


A Silver Lotus

by kciel



Series: Flowers [1]
Category: D. Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8005219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kciel/pseuds/kciel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen and Kanda are childhood friends. Even though Kanda says mean things to Allen, he never really means them. In fact, he is overprotective of the boy, though he'd never admit it. Over the years, Allen developed feelings for his friend and even confessed his feelings only to be rejected. However, that was over six years ago now and Kanda has long since forgotten Allen's confession. When Kanda starts dating an extremely talkative woman named Diana, how will Allen react? Will he try to forget his feelings for Kanda? Or will Kanda finally admit his true feelings towards his friend?  </p>
<p>Yullen, in present day. Maybe a touch of Lucky. One-sided Allen x Lenalee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Silver Lotus

Tears trickled down Allen's face as his companion gazed at him with a hard stare, emotions hidden from view as he watched the albino cradle his arm pathetically as if it was going to fall off at any given moment, though it was merely burnt and discolored.

"It's ugly... Isn't it?" The grief-stricken preteen cried out, his friend's expression still stoic and unwavering.

"...You act like it's the end of the world. You're alive, aren't you?" Kanda replied coldly, his voice firm yet oddly soothing.

Yu Kanda was never good with words, nor was he a good person to go to if one longed for comfort of any sort. However, Allen knew better than to trust his harsh exterior. Despite his seemingly cold-hearted nature, Allen could tell that Kanda cared deeply for him and was relieved to find that he had made it out of the fire alive and well. 

Allen smiled softly up at the older teen through the tears, "Thank you, Kanda."

Despite the tears' seemingly never-ending trail down the small boy's cheeks, he wore a genuine smile versus his usual poker face. A feeling of warmth spread throughout Kanda's chest upon seeing it, a small smile dancing on his lips for what seemed to be the first time in a long while.

In an uncharacteristically gentle tone, the older teen reluctantly cleared his throat and spoke up, trying to suppress the tiny grin that already began to make his cheeks ache, "Well, come on. Might as well stay with me instead of that asshole, Cross. My family won't care and if they do, too bad, because I don't." He smirked at his last statement before continuing, "Now get up, Allen."

Kanda reached out his hand to the younger boy, who gratefully accepted it, practically beaming at the other's use of his real name. After all, it wasn't often when Kanda would address him by his name instead of some sort of insult, and when he did, it always felt that much more special.

********************************

Allen sat across from his childhood friend, nibbling halfheartedly on a slice of pizza. Beside Kanda sat the man's newest girlfriend, Diana, who was going on and on about who-knows-what before directing her attention back to Kanda and running her fingers through his hair, gushing over how soft it was. Rather than listening to whatever it was she had to say, Allen seemed to concentrate on simply finishing his food, not even bothering to really acknowledge the other two in any way other than an occasional glance or nod. Kanda, picking up on the other's unusual behavior, raised an inquisitive eyebrow at his friend before deciding to finally speak up.

 

"Moyash--," Kanda began only to be cut off by Diana, something that occurred painfully often as the girl never seemed to remain quiet for any amount of time.

 

"Wait, I thought your name was Allen..." Diana mused, sharp green eyes staring expectantly at the white-haired man, twirling a strand of long dark hair absentmindedly around her finger.

 

"Tch..." Kanda grimaced, slight irritation laced in his tone as he explained, "Moyashi means 'bean sprout' in Japanese. It's a nickname."

 

Allen sighed, setting his pizza crust down on his plate, unable to finish it in his current mood, "Um... I think I'm going to go hang out with Lavi or Lenalee. It was nice meeting you, Diana, but uh, I'd rather not be a third wheel." He smiled politely at the girl, who returned it.

 

'Faker...' Kanda thought as he narrowed his eyes into suspicious slits.

 

"It was nice meeting you too, Allen! I hope we'll be good friends. After all, Kanda talks an awful lot about you! He even told me you're really into music, just like me. By the way, if you're ever bored one day and looking for something new to listen to, you should totally come by my workplace. I work at this music store called The Clef and--," She began babbling, only stopping once Allen interrupted, promising to check out the store in the future before admitting to her he was in a bit of a rush. She nodded her head in understanding and ushered him away, insisting she would pay his portion of the bill. He quickly thanked her, bowing his head in gratitude before exiting the shop with an almost inaudible goodbye. 

 

"He seems like a nice kid, Kanda. I'm surprised. You guys seem almost nothing alike!" Diana chirped, looking up expectantly at her boyfriend only to find that he was lost deep in thought for some reason.

 

'He was wearing that famous poker face again... He might be able to fool everyone else with that fake look, but he knows damn well I of all people can see right through his little charade. Something is up with him, and I'll be damned if I don't find out what it is.' Kanda thought to himself, his thoughts soon broken up by an impatient girl's hand waving directly in front of his face.


	2. Painful Memories

Allen bit his lip nervously, looking up at his friend as insecurities began to flood his thoughts like a rapid river drowning some poor kayakers that were missing their life jackets one day. He searched Kanda's strange dark blue eyes, wishing for a sign that would reveal what the other teen was thinking. Anything would be better than the tense silence that followed after Allen had muttered those three life-changing words. Finally, Kanda opened his mouth to speak, dissipating the initial anticipation. 

Much to Allen's disappointment, the only thing he said was, "Tch... Idiot Moyashi." Kanda avoided his gaze, and Allen could feel his heart shatter to pieces in that very moment.

The younger boy laughed hysterically, his chest weighing down heavily upon him as he relished in the cruel joke of society, "Heh... I guess a boy loving another boy is pretty stupid, huh..? How utterly foolish of me, right?" He spat, his voice wavering slightly as his own words sunk into his head. He tried desperately to suppress the tears that threatened to fall, but of course, he wasn't strong enough for that, and they fell regardless. His vision grew cloudy and a heart-wrenching sob escaped his lips.

Kanda almost seemed surprised by this reaction, and he opened his mouth again to speak. However, Allen cut him off, unwilling to hear whatever it was he had to say at this point.

"It's fine! I'll see you tomorrow I guess, Bakanda!" Allen shouted in obvious mock happiness, pivoting on his heels and taking off at a full sprint in the opposite direction. 

He couldn't care less where he ran off to, so long as it was where nobody could find him and see him for the weakling he was. He knew it was a stupid idea to confess to Kanda from the start, yet he thought... No, it didn't matter what he thought, only what had happened. He had been rejected, and though it seemed overdramatic, the pain he felt could have only been matched by the memory of his foster father's death. Why was it that he still allowed himself to be so vulnerable? Was he some sort of masochist?

Either way, the next day, Allen returned to school, completely brushing the whole thing off as if nothing had ever happened. After all, pretending he was okay was always fine. Well, at least until now.

*****************************

Allen propped his back against the door of his apartment as he closed it shut behind him, sinking down to the floor slowly before bringing his knees up to his chest. A small sigh escaped his lips after a while as he finally looked up at the clock on the nearby end table, deciding he had been sulking for far too long.

"Has it really already been six years..?" He whispered to himself, standing up from his position on the floor and about to head into the kitchen just as he heard a soft knock upon the door. Surprised, he spun around and glanced through the peephole, letting out a sigh of relief once he saw who it was.

Outside stood a petite oriental girl with deep green hair tied into a pair of long pigtails. Her amethyst eyes stared expectantly at the entrance, almost as if she instinctively knew Allen was home. She was dressed rather cutely in a black denim skirt and a panda tee as if she had just been on a casual date or something, though he knew she would have more than likely texted him all about it if she had.

Swinging the door open, Allen grinned and opened his arms to initiate a hug. Lenalee's reaction was instant, practically jumping into his arms to return the gesture.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, arms hooked around her small waist.

"What? I can't visit my best friend?" She gasped playfully, wriggling out of his hold and pushing past him into his apartment. She made a beeline for the couch and instantly plopped herself down on the comfortable black and white cushions.

Allen followed her inside, closing the door behind him as he headed into the kitchen connected to the living area. Opening his fridge, he raised his voice, politely asking if she wanted something to drink as he pulled out a water bottle for himself.

"No thanks." Came her reply as she watched her friend curiously through the open door leading to the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" She asked once he came out and joined her on the sofa.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Allen lied through his teeth, flashing her a fake smile before taking a sip of his water and setting it down on a coaster he had placed on the glass coffee table.

Lenalee stared at her friend for a long moment, her gaze hard and unwavering as she asked him in a quiet tone, "Is it about Kanda?"

"Ha, why would I be sad over that jerk? The guy doesn't even know how to say my name." He joked, his fake smile faltering a bit once he said it. Lenalee gave him a look but didn't pry any further, "I guess it would be pretty ridiculous..."

"Heard you met his girlfriend today. Diana? What'd ya think?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I like Diana. She's a sweet girl. Sure does talk a lot though." Allen sighed, remembering how she had talked his ear off at the restaurant. 

"Yeah, same here." Lenalee giggled, "Well anyway, the reason I stopped by is to let you know that Lavi and I were going to get everyone together sometime soon, and of course, you're one of the people on our list. We're inviting Kanda and possibly my brother as well, just so you know."

"You couldn't just text me this?" He chuckled.

"Well, I was in the neighborhood, so I decided to tell you in person instead!" She stuck her tongue out at him playfully.

"Fair enough. When are you planning for this to happen exactly?"

"It's going to depend on everyone else's schedule, but we were hoping for next Saturday. You game?"

"Depends on my work schedule, but I'll let you know."

"All right, sounds good! Well anyway, thanks for letting me in. I got to get going though. If I don't get back home soon, Komui will start freaking out again. You know how he is. Text me, okay?" She said as she stood up, heading towards the door.

"All right, I will. See ya, Lenalee."

Allen watched as she left, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief as soon as he heard the door slam shut. Suddenly, he heard a loud buzzing noise, startling him slightly. He rolled his eyes as he saw his phone light up on the coffee table, his hand shooting out from his side to grab it. On his lock screen, he saw he had received a new text from none other than Kanda, the last person he wanted to talk to right now. Nevertheless, he opened it up. 

5:34 PM; From Kanda: "Moyashi, I'll be there in 10, so be expecting me."

Allen gave an annoyed sigh, typing back a quick "k" before tossing his phone to the other side of the couch. 

'I just saw him a few hours ago... I wonder what that jerk wants.'


	3. Secret Regret

It didn't seem too terribly long ago, yet six years had passed since that day. Allen had confessed his feelings to the captain of the high school kendo team, Yu Kanda, right in the middle of the school's main hallway. Nobody could believe it, especially considering how different they were. Where Allen was sweet and charming, Kanda was hotheaded and intimidating. It seemed like an unlikely pair.

Yet, it happened, right where everyone could see. Allen had put to rest the rumors circulating through the halls. Allen Walker was in love with Yu Kanda, who appeared to be mortified by his confession. Nevertheless, his composure remained intact, stoic expression ever present, only dissolving once Allen had left him in a state of speechlessness.

Watching the other boy's retreating back as he fled from the scene of his rejection, his ears tuned into the whispering voices surrounding him. Some were disappointed. Others were proud. Slurs were murmured, sympathies were expressed. It was a mess.

Yet, the only thing Kanda seemed to feel was an unbearable sense of regret as he clenched his fists tightly at his sides, biting his tongue so as not to turn on those around him.

He cared about Allen more than anything, and he knew he wasn't the best at showing it. He wanted to be better for him. He had to be. Allen was the only one who knew him for what he really was, yet it seemed that no matter what Kanda did, he always hurt him. It made Kanda angry at himself. After all, Allen deserved better than that. He deserved the world, not the regret of knowing Kanda's love.

*****************************************

Kanda stared at the door to Allen's apartment, still curious as to what was on Allen's mind. He had seemed upset earlier at the restaurant, and Kanda wondered if it had something to do with meeting Diana. He wondered if the younger man was still hung up on the past, and secretly, he almost wished it so. Regardless, he shook those ugly thoughts aside and rapped three times on the door, waiting patiently until he heard the click of the lock. Allen poked his head out through a crack in the door, appearing a bit disheveled as his tangled hair sat in a messy white mop atop his head.

He swung the door open, walking back into the kitchen, trusting the other man to let himself in. Kanda rolled his eyes, following him inside and closing the door behind him. Walking into the kitchen, he noticed Allen sitting on top of the counter, swinging his thin legs impatiently back and forth. Kanda leaned against the kitchen door's archway, staring at his friend expectantly before clearing his throat.

"What's up with you today? You weren't scarfing down your food like you usually do at the restaurant earlier." He stated bluntly, smirking slightly as Allen narrowed his eyes into a silver glare.

"I wanted to make a good impression." He answered simply, shrugging his shoulders.

"We both know that's bull, short stack."

"The name's Allen."

"Tch, whatever, Moyashi. I'm not here to argue. I want to know why you've been acting weird around me lately. It's not like you."

"Aw, you're actually concerned for little ol' me?" He spoke in a mockingly sweet tone.

"Shut up, and just tell me what's been up with you." Kanda sighed, annoyed.

"I'm not sure I know what you're referring to." Allen smiled, directing his attention to his feet as he swung them back and forth.

"Your smiles are fake. Your appetite's been gone. You've obviously been avoiding me, and don't tell me you haven't been because you've hardly been pestering me with that damn rabbit lately."

"If I'm such a pest to you, why does it matter?" Allen retorted pointedly, hopping off the counter with ease before marching his way past Kanda and into the living area.

"Because when you're not being a pest, it's even more annoying."

The albino rolled his eyes and laid down on the sofa, turning onto his side so that his back was facing the other man. Kanda glared daggers at his backside but said nothing more, waiting for the silence to roll over.

After what felt like forever, Allen finally spun around onto his opposite side, facing Kanda. Glowering at the older man who still stood in the doorway, he spoke up once more, raising his voice slightly in accusation, "Why do you even care? Aren't you supposed to be on a date or something?"

Taken aback by Allen's unusual straightforwardness, Kanda frowned, his earlier theory confirmed. Allen was jealous of Diana. A wave of guilt washed over him, but his expression remained as stoic as ever, only momentarily wavering as he plastered a confident smirk on his lips. Striding over to where the smaller man lay, he crouched down so that they were at eye level.

Reaching his hand out towards him, he ran his fingers through the soft snowy white locks of hair, occasionally catching a few tangles and brushing them out with his fingertips. He brushed a few stray strands out of Allen's face, momentarily distracted by the softness of his skin. His fingers came down to trace gently over the jagged pentacle-shaped scar surrounding one of Allen's silvery-blue eyes, watching as those same eyes flickered with various emotions. Confusion, hurt, fear, anger, love. They seemed to be endless.

Kanda's voice became a mere whisper as he spoke, his tone laced with an uncharacteristic gentleness, "Does it still hurt?" 

Allen was quiet at first, staring at the other man with an unreadable expression before answering, "Sometimes."

Kanda smiled weakly at him, strain evident on his features as he caressed Allen's cheek, his thumb tracing once more over the faded red lines of the scarred tissue. A few more moments of silence passed before Kanda stood, about to make his leave when he suddenly felt Allen's hand shoot out and grab ahold of his wrist. The older man stood frozen in place, waiting for the other to speak as his heart thumped wildly in his chest. Allen's voice was a whisper, tone almost desperate as he plead, "Please stay..."

Kanda knew he should've probably left right then and there while he still had the chance, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to take another step. Something in his gut told him he should do just as Allen had suggested and stay. Did he still regret what had happened between them all those years ago? Is that where this feeling was coming from? Or was it from something else entirely?

Nevertheless, Kanda agreed to stay for the night, and because of this, Allen smiled, really smiled, for what seemed to be the first time in years. Kanda sat on the edge of the sofa, near Allen's feet, trying hard to avoid looking into his eyes while he wore that smile on his face. That smile always managed to do strange things to him, things he did not fully understand. It was like a magnetic pull, forcing him to gravitate towards the warmth in that simple expression. A pull he wish he didn't feel but knew he could never get rid of regardless. Why did things have to be this way? Why did he have to feel the way that he did? Why couldn't he be good enough?


	4. Waking Up

Kanda woke up, slightly disoriented and at first unable to recognize his surroundings. He rubbed at his eyes groggily for a moment, barely awake until he felt Allen stir in his sleep beside him. He glanced over at him, memories clicking back into place as he did so.

‘”Please stay…”

Kanda sat on the edge of the couch, his eyes downcast towards the floor as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. Allen smiled at him, pleased, and sat up to give the other man an appreciative hug, which Kanda returned.

It soon grew late and realizing the time, Allen rushed towards a closet to pull out a few blankets and pillows. He sprawled them across the floor in front of the small television set, calling Kanda over to come help him situate the pallet properly. This made Kanda smile as he remembered the times they had slept together on the floor as children, and he gladly helped him.   
Once they decided it was decent enough to sleep on, Kanda took off his shoes and shirt and set them aside. As he reached behind him to untie his long hair and let it fall down his shoulders, he watched Allen take off his own shirt, slightly flustered despite having seen him strip many times before.

They both laid down side by side, each one with their own blanket, Kanda with the larger of the two. Shivering slightly, Allen tentatively scooted closer to him in the hopes of gaining more warmth. Kanda, sensing his nervousness, rolled his eyes and pulled the other man close to his chest without a word.

Despite Allen’s flushed face, sleep soon found them both, and they fell asleep together.’

Upon remembering this, a pink blush colored Kanda’s cheeks, his eyes flickering back over to the still-sleeping form of Allen. He looked peaceful, which made Kanda wonder what he was dreaming about. Suddenly, he felt a small vibration against his leg, breaking him away from his thoughts.

Careful not to wake Allen, he slowly reached into his pants pocket to pull out his cellphone, finding it spammed with multiple text messages from none other than Diana. This, along with a few other reasons, made him wonder why he agreed to date such an annoying woman, especially considering they had little in common with one another.

Entering in his passcode, he immediately clicked on his inbox to see just how many messages she decided to send. Luckily for him, there were only six versus the usual fourteen or fifteen he had grown used to waking up to for the last few weeks. He wondered briefly if she had been at a friend’s or something, too distracted to spam him, but he shook those thoughts away as he scrolled through the messages.

12:14 AM; From Diana: "Hey, I just ran into some of your friends. Wanna hang or you asleep? ;P"

1:23 AM; From Diana: "I just rode by your house, where are you? Car’s not there. :("

2:21 AM; From Diana: "Kanda, are you okay? I’m really worried! T-T"

3:05 AM; From Lavi: "Dude, can you just call the woman back? It’s 3 in the morning and she won’t SHUT UP!"

3:40 AM; From Diana: "If you’re reading this, good night babe… ;("

9:04 AM; From Diana: "You’re still not home! Are you with another girl or something!?"

Kanda rolled his eyes at the last text before quickly typing out a text to reassure her that he was only at a friend’s house. Once he clicked send, he flung his phone onto the nearby sofa, not really in the mood to text anyone else.

"K-Kanda..?" He heard a groggy voice mumble, looking over to see Allen rub his eyes, squinting at the light that filtered in through the windows.  
"Tch, lazy." Kanda scoffed in reply, smirking as Allen snorted.

"Want some breakfast? I have soba." Allen offered, smiling tiredly. 

"Whatever, Moyashi." Kanda responded, which Allen took as a yes.


End file.
